Posts Tagged ‘anger’

frecklesatbeach (720x960)  Awhile back I was going to write a story about dust-bunnies.

I watched them for many years and have a love/hate relationship with the devilish little things. They seemingly appear before your eyes from nowhere. They scurry across the floor and have no regard for mop nor broom. Lightning fast they are. After you’re done sweeping, and walking the dustmop across the floor and into their favorite hiding spots; after you’ve wiped the sweat from your eyes there, THERE is another in the middle of the hallway. They are like little children and (honest, listen hard) they laugh at you. “You can’t get me”. If you leave them alone they can grow to the size of a small dog.

“Small dog”

That brings me to the reason for my writing today. Two days have passed since the unexpected loss of my dear beagle girl ‘freckles’. I spent several hours of the last two days helping my two other precious dogs, ‘Bear’ and ‘Snickers’, accustom themselves to being without her. We went walking and played at the dog park.  They swam and ran as fast as they could.  Today I grieve.

I swept up the last of the dust bunnies from my house, Tuesday.  Today I found none.

My dear girl Freckles has left the housekeeping chores to the angels.




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2014-02-28 09.40.18   I’ve been going through a rough spell during the last few months.  Isn’t it always the post-holiday season, winter cold, false spring starts that drag you down?  Newly sprouted spring bulbs frozen in place by an unexpected cold snap, Christmas debt, flu-bugs, sometimes I wonder how anyone makes it through the doldrums of February and March.  This year I received an unexpected lift.  11 to be exact.  It sort of redefined life, mine especially. My daughter found a young female puppy cowering in traffic in the pouring rain.  She called the police and pulled the dog to safety.  After 5 days at the pound, ‘Maisey’ became part of her family.  Vet checked her over and owner didn’t want this passive little girl, so Julie brought her home. Some short weeks later, a trip to the vet confirmed she was pregnant.   Maisey underwent an ultrasound and was expecting  6 pups.  In the early evening of February 21, Maisey made her nest in a closet and set out to birth her pups.  Julie had tried to get her into a child’s swimming pool to present her babies, but Maisey had other ideas.  The first pup was born about 6:00 PM.  Myself and Pappa rushed through supper and drove the few miles so we could witness the remaining births. By our arrival, 3 pups had been whelped, and so we were privy to the birth of the next 3.  A message awaited us when we arrived home, 3 more pups had been born during our short 15 minute trip home.  It was now 9:30PM.  Before 11PM, 2 more pups were born.  11 pups total, and one exhausted momma. My husband and I have been able to babysit on an almost daily basis.  Walking momma dog, and seeing to the puppies feedings and cleaning has been a joy.  Updates to come.

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newgrowthso the time has come

to remove the dead and decaying that

has become useless  and aged

that in its prime, bloomed brilliant

violet and orange

and brought  kings to their knees

and princes to tears

as we kneel

we work our hands into

the soil and wonder

who’s hands

we may have taught

to do this chore next year,

someone with love and mom

we hope

and we understand

new life

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First Prayer of the Continental Congress, 1774

O Lord our Heavenly Father, high and mighty King of kings, 
And Lord of lords, who dost from thy throne behold all the dwellers on earth and 
Reignest with power supreme and uncontrolled over all the Kingdoms, Empires and Governments; 
Look down in mercy, we beseech Thee, on these our American States, 
Who have fled to Thee from the rod of the oppressor and thrown themselves on Thy gracious protection, 
Desiring to be henceforth dependent only on Thee. 
To Thee have they appealed for the righteousness of their cause;
To Thee do they now look up for that countenance and support, which Thou alone canst give. 
Take them, therefore, Heavenly Father, under Thy nurturing care;
Give them wisdom in Council and valor in the field; defeat the malicious designs of our cruel adversaries; 
Convince them of the unrighteousness of their Cause and if they persist in their sanguinary purposes, 
Of own unerring justice, sounding in their hearts, constrain them to drop the weapons of war from FirstConttheir unnerved hands in the day of battle! 
Be Thou present, O God of wisdom, and direct the councils of this honorable assembly; 
Enable them to settle things on the best and surest foundation.
That the scene of blood may be speedily closed; that order, harmony and peace may be effectually restored, and 
Truth and justice, religion and piety, prevail and flourish amongst the people. 
Preserve the health of their bodies and vigor of their minds; 
Shower down on them and the millions they here represent, 
Such temporal blessings as Thou seest expedient for them in this world and crown them with everlasting glory in the world to come. 
All this we ask in the name and through the merits of Jesus Christ, Thy Son and our Savior.


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ice-fire-robert-frostI cannot continue

tears fall inside

I have no backbone

I hate conflict

I hate fighting

tears fall inside

I hate hurting any breathing thing

I hate being hurt

I hate seeing anyone in pain

tears fall inside

I was born with extreme sensitivity

I cannot continue to argue

I don’t want to continue to argue

I don’t want to continue

tears fall inside

no-one knows it but I’m at risk

take that how you want

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Has anyone else noticed the lack of sensitivity in people today. Or maybe I just run in the wrong circles. Maybe I have surrounded myself in this senseless world full of senseless tragedy, with senseless people. I don’t have a thin skin. As a matter of fact anyone will tell you I can brush about anything off, even when I shouldn’t. Anyone that knows me knows that as quick as I am to anger, I’m even quicker to forgive. People (a huge generalization) are insensitive. They can feel their own pain or discomfort or elation and joy, but not another’s. They don’t bother to ‘read’ people, they can’t feel them.

This morning (Father’s Day) I got up and while my husband still slept, I made homemade muffins and biscuits. I worked as quietly as possible. When the smoke alarm went off I quickly opened doors and turned up the oven fan to make it stop. I knew I had awakened him, but thought maybe he would fall back to sleep. I arranged the table and placed his napkin (on which I wrote ‘happy Dad’s day, I love you’) nearby. Everything was set in place including a red nasturtium bloom on his plate. He did sleep a little longer. I heard him arise awhile later, and he completed his morning bathroom routine. When he finally emerged he said not a word. He walked right past the table so carefully set. Not even a ‘good morning’. I knew he was angry that the alarm woke him, but that silence hurt. It cut like a knife!

Ok, as I sit here in a breakfast joint with an endless cup of coffee.  I feel better now that I have spouted off.  Thank you again “Teddy’s Pieces”


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Estee Lauder’

a cloud of white

sometimes blue

red poppies and black roses

and petite vioets

Mashed potatoes piled high

chicken frying

and pickled beets

pretty dresses

for mine and me

as hard as I try

I don’t remember 

a kiss goodnight

next to my bed

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A young women, close friend of my daughter, recently discovered both parents dead of an apparent murder/suicide. I must speak to this unimaginable tragedy as it has hit my own heart hard.


for the senselessness
that left behind
this sorrow, anger, rage
fear, and emptiness
shaped into tears
all pooled together
on the floor

for the inescapable
tasks that must be borne
by innocents to
go forward

for the tangle of twisted
love and hate together
challenging one another
in one head
fused together

for the feelings
of guilt and blame
sure to emerge
the ‘if only’s and ‘what if’s
and the intense shame so
undeserved but

for the lost
moments all children
gingerbread kisses moments,
I love you hugs
prideful moments
sweet simple joyful
lost is the
sense of
protection and security
parental wisdom

And when the

fog of disbelief
I’m So Very Sad
for the pain
still to come

Love One Another

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I must read my own words
to know the door will open
but until then I
am in a state of in between

I’m in a jodi’s closet
two doors, both locked
I’m between winter and spring
tears and laughter

I’m between no longer young
and too old
between afraid and secure
a metronome stopped mid-melody

I’m between hate and love
abused and cherished
dissatisfied and content
Lord, move me

I’m in between
and I’m
desperate to lean
one way or the other

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