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Posts Tagged ‘sadness’

frecklesatbeach (720x960)  Awhile back I was going to write a story about dust-bunnies.

I watched them for many years and have a love/hate relationship with the devilish little things. They seemingly appear before your eyes from nowhere. They scurry across the floor and have no regard for mop nor broom. Lightning fast they are. After you’re done sweeping, and walking the dustmop across the floor and into their favorite hiding spots; after you’ve wiped the sweat from your eyes there, THERE is another in the middle of the hallway. They are like little children and (honest, listen hard) they laugh at you. “You can’t get me”. If you leave them alone they can grow to the size of a small dog.

“Small dog”

That brings me to the reason for my writing today. Two days have passed since the unexpected loss of my dear beagle girl ‘freckles’. I spent several hours of the last two days helping my two other precious dogs, ‘Bear’ and ‘Snickers’, accustom themselves to being without her. We went walking and played at the dog park.  They swam and ran as fast as they could.  Today I grieve.

I swept up the last of the dust bunnies from my house, Tuesday.  Today I found none.

My dear girl Freckles has left the housekeeping chores to the angels.

Freckles

 

Freckles

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2014-02-28 09.40.18   I’ve been going through a rough spell during the last few months.  Isn’t it always the post-holiday season, winter cold, false spring starts that drag you down?  Newly sprouted spring bulbs frozen in place by an unexpected cold snap, Christmas debt, flu-bugs, sometimes I wonder how anyone makes it through the doldrums of February and March.  This year I received an unexpected lift.  11 to be exact.  It sort of redefined life, mine especially. My daughter found a young female puppy cowering in traffic in the pouring rain.  She called the police and pulled the dog to safety.  After 5 days at the pound, ‘Maisey’ became part of her family.  Vet checked her over and owner didn’t want this passive little girl, so Julie brought her home. Some short weeks later, a trip to the vet confirmed she was pregnant.   Maisey underwent an ultrasound and was expecting  6 pups.  In the early evening of February 21, Maisey made her nest in a closet and set out to birth her pups.  Julie had tried to get her into a child’s swimming pool to present her babies, but Maisey had other ideas.  The first pup was born about 6:00 PM.  Myself and Pappa rushed through supper and drove the few miles so we could witness the remaining births. By our arrival, 3 pups had been whelped, and so we were privy to the birth of the next 3.  A message awaited us when we arrived home, 3 more pups had been born during our short 15 minute trip home.  It was now 9:30PM.  Before 11PM, 2 more pups were born.  11 pups total, and one exhausted momma. My husband and I have been able to babysit on an almost daily basis.  Walking momma dog, and seeing to the puppies feedings and cleaning has been a joy.  Updates to come.

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ice-fire-robert-frostI cannot continue

tears fall inside

I have no backbone

I hate conflict

I hate fighting

tears fall inside

I hate hurting any breathing thing

I hate being hurt

I hate seeing anyone in pain

tears fall inside

I was born with extreme sensitivity

I cannot continue to argue

I don’t want to continue to argue

I don’t want to continue

tears fall inside

no-one knows it but I’m at risk

take that how you want

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Mother

Estee Lauder’

a cloud of white

sometimes blue

red poppies and black roses

and petite vioets

Mashed potatoes piled high

chicken frying

and pickled beets

pretty dresses

for mine and me

as hard as I try

I don’t remember 

a kiss goodnight

next to my bed

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I need a new beginning
before I reach the end

I’m unraveling
before I can get it together

I pull and I get guts
no start no end

tangles

not what I expected
but I can’t start over

deadline approaches

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driving-rain

Weather, we all know, affects lives every day.  First up on local and national news so often over the last few months, weather can disrupt our lives in so many ways.  Storms leave us literally powerless.  Last winter’s tornados tore cities and families apart.  Hurricane Sandy left many homeless, and dreams destroyed.  The blizzards of recent weeks brought transportation to a halt.  Of course the children loved missing school and building snow castles.

I was born in Kentucky but I moved to New England as a young child and feel as much a native of that area as Chief Wachusett (was there one?).  I loved the cold wet snow.  I loved the excited anticipation of an impending snowfall.  In summer I even loved the fearful moments of a thunderstorm. So close that I could only reach six as I counted out it’s distance. Weather sadly affected my wedding day, snow fall the night before caused guests to cancel.

It wasn’t until I moved to the west coast, that I realized how much weather affects not only our daily lives, but our moods, our feelings, our brains.  When I moved to Washington state, the weather was at it’s best.  Clear blue beautiful skies exposed the beauty of Mt. Hood and Mt. St. Helens.   The roaring Columbia Gap, to the painted deserts were gorgeous and uplifting. The daily summer showers were short but refreshing.  But winter came and I found the dark, continual dampness unbearable.  Not too many months later I returned to the east coast.  Weather happens everywhere and it can do so much more than the things I’ve mentioned, Weather can unglue you then glue you back together again.

Yesterday I had the realization that weather has so much more influence on my thoughts, health and mood than I could ever imagine.  Another rainy day like so many of the days before and I had to go out in it.  Warm rain but dark and unrelentless.  This rain followiing several days of cold, cloudy and damp.  Dinner would be comfort food certainly, stuffed cabbage or meatloaf maybe.  Tapioca pudding and brownies for dessert.  Following my appointments out in the elements, I returned to my bed, to read and maybe slip off into a short nap.  I felt fatigued and kind of headachey and of course the Lord knows, how the rain affects my joints.  Just ‘under the weather’ as they say. But, then something happened.

clearingstorm
The rain stopped.  Almost suddenly the rain stopped and warmth of the sun shone through.  I could see patches of blue out my window and the birds wanted their lunch.  My mood brightened instantly.  I got up and dressed and changed the dinner plans to simple hamburgers and a salad.  I fed the ducks, watered my plants and smiled.  Yep, I smiled.

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