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Posts Tagged ‘silence’

frecklesatbeach (720x960)  Awhile back I was going to write a story about dust-bunnies.

I watched them for many years and have a love/hate relationship with the devilish little things. They seemingly appear before your eyes from nowhere. They scurry across the floor and have no regard for mop nor broom. Lightning fast they are. After you’re done sweeping, and walking the dustmop across the floor and into their favorite hiding spots; after you’ve wiped the sweat from your eyes there, THERE is another in the middle of the hallway. They are like little children and (honest, listen hard) they laugh at you. “You can’t get me”. If you leave them alone they can grow to the size of a small dog.

“Small dog”

That brings me to the reason for my writing today. Two days have passed since the unexpected loss of my dear beagle girl ‘freckles’. I spent several hours of the last two days helping my two other precious dogs, ‘Bear’ and ‘Snickers’, accustom themselves to being without her. We went walking and played at the dog park.  They swam and ran as fast as they could.  Today I grieve.

I swept up the last of the dust bunnies from my house, Tuesday.  Today I found none.

My dear girl Freckles has left the housekeeping chores to the angels.

Freckles

 

Freckles

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newgrowthso the time has come

to remove the dead and decaying that

has become useless  and aged

that in its prime, bloomed brilliant

violet and orange

and brought  kings to their knees

and princes to tears

as we kneel

we work our hands into

the soil and wonder

who’s hands

we may have taught

to do this chore next year,

someone with love and mom

we hope

and we understand

new life

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ice-fire-robert-frostI cannot continue

tears fall inside

I have no backbone

I hate conflict

I hate fighting

tears fall inside

I hate hurting any breathing thing

I hate being hurt

I hate seeing anyone in pain

tears fall inside

I was born with extreme sensitivity

I cannot continue to argue

I don’t want to continue to argue

I don’t want to continue

tears fall inside

no-one knows it but I’m at risk

take that how you want

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ufp-pool-of-tears
A young women, close friend of my daughter, recently discovered both parents dead of an apparent murder/suicide. I must speak to this unimaginable tragedy as it has hit my own heart hard.

Sad

Sad
for the senselessness
that left behind
this sorrow, anger, rage
fear, and emptiness
shaped into tears
all pooled together
on the floor

Sad
for the inescapable
heartwrenching
unimaginable,
tasks that must be borne
by innocents to
go forward

Sad
for the tangle of twisted
emotion
love and hate together
challenging one another
in one head
fused together
impenetrable

Sad
for the feelings
of guilt and blame
sure to emerge
the ‘if only’s and ‘what if’s
and the intense shame so
undeserved but
relentless

Sad
for the lost
moments all children
deserve
gingerbread kisses moments,
I love you hugs
prideful moments
sweet simple joyful
moments
lost is the
sense of
protection and security
parental wisdom
brings

And when the

fog of disbelief
dissolves
I’m So Very Sad
for the pain
still to come

Love One Another

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day_vs_night_by_fotolympus

I must read my own words
to know the door will open
but until then I
am in a state of in between

I’m in a jodi’s closet
two doors, both locked
I’m between winter and spring
tears and laughter

I’m between no longer young
and too old
between afraid and secure
a metronome stopped mid-melody

I’m between hate and love
abused and cherished
dissatisfied and content
Lord, move me

I’m in between
and I’m
desperate to lean
one way or the other

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what is this digital world

that brings on life so impulsively

no toppings no relish no savor

once the inflections in your voice

spoke volumes to me

now the text I hold in my hand

has no expression

the warmth is lost to lol

perhaps already a passe’ phrase

how to preserve love letters

not written

in this virtuality

of urgent gratification

wastebaskets empty

of balled up mistatements

images that paint themselves

instantly

across the screen

pixels not vellum

no longer reserved for special

aunts and uncles and grandmothers

never to reside

in the attic boxes

life moves in nanoseconds

with memories that die

with the mind that held them

unpreserved

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